283 lbs – The Gym Fiasco

It’s been 17 years since I visited a public gym…

and I hit it religiously 3 times every week. So I thought, “hey, no big deal going to the gym. It will be rough at first but I’ll soon be able to hang.”

This is what everyone looks like at the gym, except for me.

I walked in fairly confident only to find everything had changed on me, at this gym anyway. All the free weights were replaced with strange looking contraptions. I’d seen weight machines before but never used them.  “Well ok let’s do this,” I thought to myself as I hopped on my first machine (backwards). After I flipped around the right way and made a quick pass to see if anyone witnessed it, nobody was looking, I was well on my way!

I’ll admit I did feel a little weird going in there with my beer gut and grey hair. I was out of place for sure. I just kept telling myself that these people will see me coming in time and time again, at that point I’ll go from being a clueless fat old guy to someone they might give a nod to. Either way, I wasn’t there to impress them. I was there to impress heart disease enough for it to say “hey, this guy’s pretty cool, at least he’s trying, I think I’ll leave him alone.”

I walked out of the gym feeling pretty good about myself. Day one down I thought. WRONG! Day one didn’t start until the next morning when I tried to get out of bed! Did someone beat me with a mallet in my sleep?! Surely my wife seen something! “Babes, did somebody, like, come into our room last night and assault me? Look at how badly my body is mangled!” Her response was “YOU OVER DID IT!” But how could that be? I only did 4 exercises. I WAS taking it easy. Am I really THAT out of shape?!

Yes, yes I am.

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